a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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