so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
