Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize