Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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