is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
