so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think my mom watched the whole time
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
