Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
