I wish I could punch you in the face.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
