fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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