I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
