I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
