thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
