i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
