i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
