I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just invented taco cereal.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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