We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
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I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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