I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
