There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
