I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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