Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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