That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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