Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
