After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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