i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
