Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
