i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
