and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
