i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
