i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
