Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
