She said her name was "party"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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