...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't deserve a penis
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
