My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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