My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
