I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My ass is underappreciated
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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