I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
