seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
