I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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