I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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