I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Damn victory sex feels great
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
