it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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