i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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