i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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