I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
