Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
