1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
