You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
