my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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