I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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