tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
