You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
