Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
