i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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