my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
