nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
