the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bet he comes in French.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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