It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
