one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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