Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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