The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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