So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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