I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
