Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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