Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
