help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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