I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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