i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize