I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
