she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
